Dear Sleep, I Hate You

It’s 4:30 in the morning and I’m obviously not sleeping so I figured I’d do a sleep update for everyone.

When we left off, Reese was fighting the swaddle, but wouldn’t sleep in her crib. Awesome, right?

My friend let me borrow the Magic Sleep Suit. My verdict? It’s kind of Magic… maybe? The suit has been successful as far a getting her to sleep in the crib and getting her unswaddled. Now she takes great naps too {about 1.5-2hrs long usually}, but it didn’t do anything for her nighttime sleep.

 photo 501DFB4E-ED81-4AF3-805B-4073BF4A60B1_zpsubebz8x8.jpg

She was still waking up every 30-45 minutes and I was a disaster. I don’t do well on repeated nights of no sleep so a few nights shy of a total mental breakdown I started researching ALL the sleep methods in the world and then I tried a few.

Pick up/Put down seemed to make some sense, but I quit this SO fast. I can’t tell you how angry it made her for me to pick her up and immediately set her down over and over again. Also, it sucks physically to bend down into the crib over and over again. And really, I can’t see how this is a “gentler” method because in my head all I was doing was teasing her.

Staying in the room in any way doesn’t seem to work because I am the milk machine and we all know that milk is baby crack. So those options were out.

And let’s be real here… These methods aren’t real life solutions in my world. I have a toddler running around screaming “quiet voice” so no, I don’t have the ideal sleep environment or the time that all these stupid methods require.

That leaves me with Option: You Lose that everyone was telling me to try all along. Letting her cry. Just the idea of this makes me anxious, but actually doing it is worse.

I couldn’t do the actual method so the first night we went in at 3 minutes and every 5 minutes after that until she fell asleep. It took a little over 20 minutes and really she never started crying hard it was more random yelling with fussing. But, she slept until 1:30 woke up to eat and went back down until 7:30.

I was really encouraged after the first night, but now I’m not so sure. I was hoping for it to magically work and after 3 days I’d have a perfectly sleeping baby, but it hasn’t been so easy. She’s still all over the board at night. Some nights she only wakes up once and others she’s up after she wakes up to eat at 12:30-1 and doesn’t really go back down.

I’ve never agreed with this method in the first place so I hate that I’m doing it. When she cries I’m a wreck… pacing around the house, so anxious I’m nauseous, and when our nights are bad I want to just quit.

But I’m at that point where something’s gotta give. I need sleep and she NEEDS sleep…. a lot of it. Without it, I can’t be a decent parent and she’s a sleep deprived baby so is waking up with her every hour doing either of us any good?

I want to comfort her and I wouldn’t even mind waking up even 3 or 4 times a night, but every 45 minutes {sleep cycle} is excessive and maintaining that just to avoid the guilt {and that little part where I’m potentially damaging her forever because that weighs easy on the mind} doesn’t make sense either.

So here we are. My baby looks like a pink Michelin man, I’m letting her cry, and I’m obviously still a train wreck. Parenting at its finest over here.


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Iโ€™m a twenty-something wannabe city girl living in Tallahassee, FL with my husband and high school sweetheart, David, and our girls, Kennedy and Reese. I'm a financial analyst, much better with numbers than words, but this is my attempt at recording this wonderful, crazy life of ours.

8 thoughts on “Dear Sleep, I Hate You”

  1. Ugh, not getting any sleep is NO FUN. Beckett is still kind of all over the place. Last night he slept from 9pm-6:30am, but the night before he was up at 1, 5, and 7:30. (I know I’m probably not helping because you’d probably LOVE to only get up at 1, 5 & 7:30) But, I know how frustrating trial & error can be. Beckett used to cry and cry and cry every afternoon/evening. We never did figure out WHY he was crying, but nothing we did would help him and that was the worst part. Does she take a pacifier?

    1. Reese was a crier at night for a while, too. We knew it was 7pm without ever looking at a clock because she was that exact. Newborns are so weird… Luckily they’re cute ๐Ÿ˜‰

      She won’t take a bottle or a pacifier. If I’m not home she’ll take an ounce or so to hold herself over but she’ll wait for me and eat then.

      We had a really good night last night and she only woke up 2 times so I’m praying that it continues ๐Ÿ™‚

      Sent from my iPhone


  2. I’m so sorry you are going thru this. Teddy is only 3 weeks old and I’m already getting anxious for him to sleep longer. Claire was a much better sleeper than he is but the past couple of nights were better than previous nights.

    At about 9 months I started sleep training her. Which meant not getting her out of her crib in the middle of the night. It was super hard and I hated hearing her dry but we both needed a good night sleep. At about 11 months (when she stopped nursing) we started putting her in her crib while she was still asleep. Once again, the first few weeks were hell, hearing her scream and cry. It’s all paid off. She goes to bed without a fight (unless she’s teething) and sleeps all night long- 12-13 hours.

    Have you tried white noise? There are some some awesome apps, I actually just downloaded one for Teddy. He responds well to them.

    Gosh, I wish I knew how to help you. I really hopes this works with you. Good luck!!

    1. Kennedy was a better night sleeper than Reese, but Reese totally beats her in the nap department. I do use a white noise app and that definitely helps I think, but she’s just really inconsistent at night. Last night she only woke up 2 times to eat and it was great, but tonight could be a whole different story. Hoping it gets better soon!

      Melissa Sent from my iPhone


  3. I used this book for both of the boys:

    It killed me to listen to them cry but having Will help at night was what got me through it…naps were harder but I knew that they needed to sleep. Logan took to it better than Gavin did at first which is probably a good thing because I might not have stuck it out with Gavin. Now they are both great sleepers and I really do believe it is because of this book. Several of my friends of used it as well and they have had great success with it!

    I hope that whatever you try works for you! No sleep is never a good thing. Also another great thing about this book is that you can email the authors from their website and they will respond to you. It may take them a day or so but they really care and offer suggestions and even open up a dialog with you in the emails!

    Good luck!

    1. Thanks, I’ll check in out! It really is the worst hearing them cry and knowing you can fix it, but don’t. Hoping it gets better soon ๐Ÿ™‚

      Melissa Sent from my iPhone


  4. So sorry to hear that. We just had a couple nights of Ava not sleeping well at night. Like you, I hope this passes soon, too! I don’t function well on little sleep either. I commend you for doing it all and you also have a toddler!

  5. I am not sure how I got referred to your blog, but I started reading around the time you got pregnant with Reese. (My own baby just turned 6mo today, so they’re about the same age!) Just wanted to chime in because we went through the same thing with our girl, beginning almost to the day when she turned 4 mo. She was up every single sleep cycle. Can’t even count how many times per night. I finally bought a camping cot and just started sleeping in her room. (We had moved her from her co-sleeper to crib at about three months – and she did fine with that. She slept great in her crib for a month, then BAM – total sleep regression.) I don’t have a solution, just wanted to commiserate. I found that I received a lot of well-intentioned advice during this period – “Just give her rice cereal already! That baby is hungry” – that was hard to hear amidst my total sleep deprivation. Besides the fact, the baby was not hungry – she was just having trouble stringing together sleep cycles. (Believe me, I was nursing her around the clock.) In our case, it took her about four loooong weeks, and she just grew out of it. She’s still not a great sleeper – will wake up usually twice a night – but to have a couple of 5 hour stretches feels like a luxury. I think she just had to learn how to work through light sleep cycles. Sorry to ramble, just wanted to say that it hopefully will get better! We’re still considering some type of sleep training, but have the same reservations as you.

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